So I had a reader ask me what I thought about channeling and other methods of contacting spirits such as Ouija Boards and so on. I personally would not recommend it. And my reasoning is as follows:
Even though Witches/Pagans/Wiccans don't believe in Satan per se, we do believe in negative forces and evil. Now every culture in the past has always believed in negative and evil forces. And they all had ways of ridding themselves of bothersome, negative and evil forces. Now, the thing is this when dealing with unseen forces and spirits you really don't KNOW what you are dealing with. You might think that it is a benevolent force or spirit, but folklore worldwide is filled with stories of deceiving spirits. Sure it might tell you that it is someone who died a few centuries back, but you really have no way of knowing. It might tell you that it is from Atlantis, or a planet 10 galaxies away or any variation thereof.
Anytime you make contact with a spirit of whatever nature, it opens the door of the various areas of your psych a little bit more and makes it easier for the next spirit to ease in. Now unless you are trained in shielding your mind against them, or knowing how to get rid of one who doesn't want to go, you are taking a chance of ending up with an issue. Those with empathic and other psychic abilities draw other forces to begin with and for those forces and spirits we draw them like moth to a flame.
So when you are using an Ouija board you open a door to the otherworld, and really you don't know who is going to show up, and who might tag along with them. Sometimes opening that door is easy, but shutting it can be an effort. And if you don't know how to shut that door when you have something on the other side resisting and trying to push it open, you are going to have an issue. Even seasoned psychics and Witches can have a hard time trying to push the offender out the door, slam it shut and barricade it!
As for channeling the same applies. Do you really want to chance letting a spirit take control of your body, even if it is only temporary? And once you let one in, others will flock straight to you. And do you know how to get rid of one who doesn't want to go? I am very leery of those who claim that a benevolent, higher spirit from some far flung planet out in the depths of the universe gave them messages. I am also leery of the message. Call me over cautious if you will, but I know that every spirit that shows up is not necessarily there with good intentions.
I have had folks come to me asking for help because they decided to see if they could contact spirits and ended up in the end with a problem. So my advice is avoid it. Also take with a very large grain of salt anything you read that has supposedly been channeled.
So there you go, that's my opinion for what it is worth to you.
Saturday, June 30, 2018
Friday, June 29, 2018
A work in progress
We are all, each one of us a work in progress. No matter who we are, every day we change. Sometimes we change for the better and sometimes for the worse. Now I am not just talking about things such as looks, weight, our financial situations and so on but other things such as knowledge, spirituality, soul growth and compassion.
Just as we age physically, chronologically, and psychologically so does our spiritual outlooks and our soul grow. And that is a very good thing. Many times though we have a soul growth spurt and the others around us don't. All we can do is encourage them in such things as new experiences and the pursuit of knowledge and tolerance of other opinions.
A mature soul knows and understands that our experiences help us to grow in a number of ways including our soul. If we stay in a vacuum and don't venture out of it we stay stagnant like a mud puddle, and just as the puddle dries up so does our spirituality and soul growth.
The mature soul knows that other people have rights, not just us. We all have the right to choices. Some choices we make are good, some are bad. We learn things from this. We learn to differentiate the wheat from the chaff so to speak. We learn things like just because something sounded good didn't mean it was going to end up so, or sometimes once we get what we thought we wanted we find out it wasn't what we thought. You know the old saying "Be careful what you wish for, you might get it" perfectly explains that concept.
The mature soul knows that we are connected to the world around us. From every drop of sand to every living creature we are all connected to and are a part of each other. The mature soul also knows that not every human is good and kind, nor has the best intentions towards others. Sad to say that yes, there are individuals who are nasty, hateful, who are on ego trips and love to control others and enjoy causing pain and suffering to others.. Mature souls know that you walk away from these types and not let them in your life. Because to do so invites trouble, pain and suffering into your own life. It also allows that individual to give credence to their actions because they believe by you associating with them, you are giving approval.
The mature soul also knows that the only person you can change is yourself. They know that you can't change another person. Each one of us are the only ones we can change. You can give approval of someone's action, or disapproval. You can give someone emotional or financial support but you can't change that inner person.
The mature soul knows that no religion or spiritual path works for everyone. There is no one size fits all. As long as a religion or spiritual path focuses on positive things such as loving and helping others, and being kind, respectful and developing compassion a person has a right to walk that path. Any religion or spiritual path that claims that other races or genders are inferior, or infers that they are the only true way to deity, or encourages the baser instincts such as greed, hate and discrimination, or tries to control your basic rights, is not going to do you any good. It will erode and blacken your spirit and your soul.
A mature soul also knows that others have sexual proclivities or gender identification that others might not agree with. But what consenting adults do is no one's business but that person. If a person indulges in sexual activity with another adult outside of marriage that is their business.
Mature souls know that boundaries are a good thing. Meaning not only physical but emotional and individual boundaries. Mature souls know that you each person is entitled to their opinions on various subjects, and if said opinions don't cause any physical harm that again it is their business. We all don't have to like the same color or music or what have you.
A mature soul also understands that sometimes others wants and needs are more important than our own. Food, shelter, protection, asylum, and clothing are certainly more important than a frivolous desire to maintain the status quo.
Yes we all have lessons in this life to learn. And if we don't learn them, we will have to learn them at some point. It's like the fellow that keeps falling for the wrong girl time after time. Until he learns the lesson he will continue to keep making the wrong choice.
So I encourage you to feed your spiritual self and your soul. It's like vegetables, good for you.
Just as we age physically, chronologically, and psychologically so does our spiritual outlooks and our soul grow. And that is a very good thing. Many times though we have a soul growth spurt and the others around us don't. All we can do is encourage them in such things as new experiences and the pursuit of knowledge and tolerance of other opinions.
A mature soul knows and understands that our experiences help us to grow in a number of ways including our soul. If we stay in a vacuum and don't venture out of it we stay stagnant like a mud puddle, and just as the puddle dries up so does our spirituality and soul growth.
The mature soul knows that other people have rights, not just us. We all have the right to choices. Some choices we make are good, some are bad. We learn things from this. We learn to differentiate the wheat from the chaff so to speak. We learn things like just because something sounded good didn't mean it was going to end up so, or sometimes once we get what we thought we wanted we find out it wasn't what we thought. You know the old saying "Be careful what you wish for, you might get it" perfectly explains that concept.
The mature soul knows that we are connected to the world around us. From every drop of sand to every living creature we are all connected to and are a part of each other. The mature soul also knows that not every human is good and kind, nor has the best intentions towards others. Sad to say that yes, there are individuals who are nasty, hateful, who are on ego trips and love to control others and enjoy causing pain and suffering to others.. Mature souls know that you walk away from these types and not let them in your life. Because to do so invites trouble, pain and suffering into your own life. It also allows that individual to give credence to their actions because they believe by you associating with them, you are giving approval.
The mature soul also knows that the only person you can change is yourself. They know that you can't change another person. Each one of us are the only ones we can change. You can give approval of someone's action, or disapproval. You can give someone emotional or financial support but you can't change that inner person.
The mature soul knows that no religion or spiritual path works for everyone. There is no one size fits all. As long as a religion or spiritual path focuses on positive things such as loving and helping others, and being kind, respectful and developing compassion a person has a right to walk that path. Any religion or spiritual path that claims that other races or genders are inferior, or infers that they are the only true way to deity, or encourages the baser instincts such as greed, hate and discrimination, or tries to control your basic rights, is not going to do you any good. It will erode and blacken your spirit and your soul.
A mature soul also knows that others have sexual proclivities or gender identification that others might not agree with. But what consenting adults do is no one's business but that person. If a person indulges in sexual activity with another adult outside of marriage that is their business.
Mature souls know that boundaries are a good thing. Meaning not only physical but emotional and individual boundaries. Mature souls know that you each person is entitled to their opinions on various subjects, and if said opinions don't cause any physical harm that again it is their business. We all don't have to like the same color or music or what have you.
A mature soul also understands that sometimes others wants and needs are more important than our own. Food, shelter, protection, asylum, and clothing are certainly more important than a frivolous desire to maintain the status quo.
Yes we all have lessons in this life to learn. And if we don't learn them, we will have to learn them at some point. It's like the fellow that keeps falling for the wrong girl time after time. Until he learns the lesson he will continue to keep making the wrong choice.
So I encourage you to feed your spiritual self and your soul. It's like vegetables, good for you.
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
The pagan paths and the divine feminine.
The various paths, Witch/Wiccan/Pagan realize that the Divine Feminine is the balancing force to the Godhead. Meaning you can't have balance if you exclude her from your life. If you focus on only the masculine things get out of whack very quickly.
For eons the worship of the Goddess was practiced worldwide. People understood that the loving, nurturing energy of the Goddess helped balance and stabilize the world around us. It is NOT the male who gives birth, nor does he give the nourishment to the infant. This applies not only to humans but to other species. The male of any species contributes the sperm, but for the entire period of gestation his job is done.
For eons the Divine Feminine was the authority. Women were appreciated and seen as not only equals, but necessary to keeping the balance of not only the world around them, but to maintaining the tribe, family ties, and making the laws that maintained peace with others around them.
Make no mistake though, the Goddess could also be seen as a Warrior. But she was a defender. People were not locked into roles based on gender, but on abilities and what they had to offer. Status was based on talents and skills. The matrilineal line was very important. Sex was seen as a natural function and there was not an emphasis placed on remaining ignorant of sex until marriage. In fact the occurrence of physically becoming a woman was celebrated, and even for males there were ceremonies that celebrated sexual maturity.
At some point, something occurred in a tribe that caused the rise of Patriarchy. I believe that it was the birth of the first Sociopath. Now for those of you who don't know, Sociopaths/Psychopaths/Narcissist have a different wiring of their brain when modern technology has been able to show. It has a genetic component and is biological. Their entire brain function is different. Anyways, somehow a takeover by the males occurred and it spread due to the aggression of that original tribe. The rise of the Conquering God began.
Slowly at first, but then rapidly the Divine Feminine was excluded from worship and from society. A total disregard for the environment, other species, other tribes, and even women, children, and the elderly became the norm.
The use of force and aggression against other humans became acceptable behavior. The focus was on owning goods and other humans. Women and children were seen as possessions and not separate entities. Other people were seen as enemies and were exterminated. Women were not allowed to have sexual activity with anyone except their husbands. We see the word virgin come to mean a woman that has never had sexual intercourse instead of it's original meaning which meant a female who was not married.
The revival of the Witch/Wiccan/Pagan paths include a concern for the world around us. They are inclusive of all regardless of race, gender, sexual preferences or sexual experience. They understand that there must be a balance between male and female, be it of each person, or of deity. They also understand that humans must work together for the good of all, including the earth and other species. We understand that talents, gifts and abilities are not based on gender and that looks, nor ownership of goods equate if a person is good or not. It is how one acts, and treats others that make a good person. We also understand that each and every person has a right to make choices with regards to their spiritual beliefs and with regards to their own body. Unlike the Patriarchal system that thinks a woman must produce child after child we know that is simply ridiculous. We believe in birth control and should a woman desire to terminate a pregnancy that too is her choice.
We believe in choices, the Patriarchy believes in control of every aspect of others lives, and they believe that only the male is important, and they also believe that only certain races are important that others are inferior. As long as the rules of the Patriarchy are followed there will be no harmony. Because you can't have harmony without balance.
For eons the worship of the Goddess was practiced worldwide. People understood that the loving, nurturing energy of the Goddess helped balance and stabilize the world around us. It is NOT the male who gives birth, nor does he give the nourishment to the infant. This applies not only to humans but to other species. The male of any species contributes the sperm, but for the entire period of gestation his job is done.
For eons the Divine Feminine was the authority. Women were appreciated and seen as not only equals, but necessary to keeping the balance of not only the world around them, but to maintaining the tribe, family ties, and making the laws that maintained peace with others around them.
Make no mistake though, the Goddess could also be seen as a Warrior. But she was a defender. People were not locked into roles based on gender, but on abilities and what they had to offer. Status was based on talents and skills. The matrilineal line was very important. Sex was seen as a natural function and there was not an emphasis placed on remaining ignorant of sex until marriage. In fact the occurrence of physically becoming a woman was celebrated, and even for males there were ceremonies that celebrated sexual maturity.
At some point, something occurred in a tribe that caused the rise of Patriarchy. I believe that it was the birth of the first Sociopath. Now for those of you who don't know, Sociopaths/Psychopaths/Narcissist have a different wiring of their brain when modern technology has been able to show. It has a genetic component and is biological. Their entire brain function is different. Anyways, somehow a takeover by the males occurred and it spread due to the aggression of that original tribe. The rise of the Conquering God began.
Slowly at first, but then rapidly the Divine Feminine was excluded from worship and from society. A total disregard for the environment, other species, other tribes, and even women, children, and the elderly became the norm.
The use of force and aggression against other humans became acceptable behavior. The focus was on owning goods and other humans. Women and children were seen as possessions and not separate entities. Other people were seen as enemies and were exterminated. Women were not allowed to have sexual activity with anyone except their husbands. We see the word virgin come to mean a woman that has never had sexual intercourse instead of it's original meaning which meant a female who was not married.
The revival of the Witch/Wiccan/Pagan paths include a concern for the world around us. They are inclusive of all regardless of race, gender, sexual preferences or sexual experience. They understand that there must be a balance between male and female, be it of each person, or of deity. They also understand that humans must work together for the good of all, including the earth and other species. We understand that talents, gifts and abilities are not based on gender and that looks, nor ownership of goods equate if a person is good or not. It is how one acts, and treats others that make a good person. We also understand that each and every person has a right to make choices with regards to their spiritual beliefs and with regards to their own body. Unlike the Patriarchal system that thinks a woman must produce child after child we know that is simply ridiculous. We believe in birth control and should a woman desire to terminate a pregnancy that too is her choice.
We believe in choices, the Patriarchy believes in control of every aspect of others lives, and they believe that only the male is important, and they also believe that only certain races are important that others are inferior. As long as the rules of the Patriarchy are followed there will be no harmony. Because you can't have harmony without balance.
Friday, June 22, 2018
A new totem or a message from the Goddess.
So I had plans today to make some banana fig bread, some macaroni salad, perhaps a bit of potato salad, do some laundry and a few other things after I made some phone calls, wrote emails etc in this never ending battle going on.
I threw in a load of laundry in the washer and decided to check on my flowers. I stepped out of the basement walked about 20 feet and lo and behold I saw a baby Possum. It was next to Grandmother Sycamore and looking at me. I crouched down, and asked it if it had gotten lost. It started to come towards me. When I say a baby, I mean a baby. The little thing is about 4 inches long. I thought oh boy, lost baby. Separated from it's momma. What's a Witch to do? To top it off it was getting ready to rain. So I went back in the house, grabbed my gloves and went back out. I crouched down and it came towards me. I picked it up, sat it under my Pampas Grass and started looking around to see if I could find the mom. No dice.
Back in the house, hunted up the number for the Game Commission. Finally got someone on the line. The lady gave me a number to call. I called it, and talked to a Vet who worked with an animal reserve. After explaining the entire thing. She agreed that I should put on gloves, pick it up and put it in a box so it didn't get wet or drown from the rain that was still holding off. So out I went, picked up the baby, and put it in a box. I called the Game Commission back because I wanted to see if they could pick the baby up and take it to a Wildlife Refuge. So I called them back and they said they would get in touch with a Warden and have him call me.
So now I went back outside to go check out my garden. And what did I see? Another baby possum. This one was soaking wet from having been caught in the rain. So back I went into the house, got my gloves and put this one with the first one.
The Warden got in touch with me, and said he will pick up the babies tomorrow. In the meantime though, the second one who was caught in the rain died. Poor baby. But I took a picture of them before the poor little thing passed.
I got to thinking. 2 babies, lost from their momma, alone and scared. The first one I found obviously decided that I was trustworthy when it came towards me. Plus the fact that it was next to Grandmother Sycamore. Obviously possum has shown up as a power animal to me. Believe it or not some Native American tribes consider the possum a power animal for warriors. All of this making me wonder with everything going on, if the Goddess has decided that I need another power animal.
I threw in a load of laundry in the washer and decided to check on my flowers. I stepped out of the basement walked about 20 feet and lo and behold I saw a baby Possum. It was next to Grandmother Sycamore and looking at me. I crouched down, and asked it if it had gotten lost. It started to come towards me. When I say a baby, I mean a baby. The little thing is about 4 inches long. I thought oh boy, lost baby. Separated from it's momma. What's a Witch to do? To top it off it was getting ready to rain. So I went back in the house, grabbed my gloves and went back out. I crouched down and it came towards me. I picked it up, sat it under my Pampas Grass and started looking around to see if I could find the mom. No dice.
Back in the house, hunted up the number for the Game Commission. Finally got someone on the line. The lady gave me a number to call. I called it, and talked to a Vet who worked with an animal reserve. After explaining the entire thing. She agreed that I should put on gloves, pick it up and put it in a box so it didn't get wet or drown from the rain that was still holding off. So out I went, picked up the baby, and put it in a box. I called the Game Commission back because I wanted to see if they could pick the baby up and take it to a Wildlife Refuge. So I called them back and they said they would get in touch with a Warden and have him call me.
So now I went back outside to go check out my garden. And what did I see? Another baby possum. This one was soaking wet from having been caught in the rain. So back I went into the house, got my gloves and put this one with the first one.
The Warden got in touch with me, and said he will pick up the babies tomorrow. In the meantime though, the second one who was caught in the rain died. Poor baby. But I took a picture of them before the poor little thing passed.
I got to thinking. 2 babies, lost from their momma, alone and scared. The first one I found obviously decided that I was trustworthy when it came towards me. Plus the fact that it was next to Grandmother Sycamore. Obviously possum has shown up as a power animal to me. Believe it or not some Native American tribes consider the possum a power animal for warriors. All of this making me wonder with everything going on, if the Goddess has decided that I need another power animal.
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
All the chaos.
So I have not wrote much lately, either here or working on the book because of all the chaos going on. Lest you think I have been ignoring all the terrible things going on in the world, think again.
I have been slinging spells like a gunslinger back in the days of the Wild West, making phone calls, going on Twitter rants and generally being a pain to the evil ones hell bent on causing chaos and pain and suffering here in the States.
I have been locked out of Twitter a number of times for being "naughty", I have flat out gave that illegitimate usurper in the White House my true, unvarnished opinion of him, his family, his supporters and the damn Republicans a number of times. Why on Twitter you ask? Well let me put it to you this way, if I thought that FOOL would answer my phone call, I would call the White House.
I have also gave the Republican Party my opinion. In fact 2 days ago I was cooking dinner when my husband said there is some woman on the porch who wants to talk to you.
Out I went, and there was Betsy Rohanna Mcclure, the Republican Candidate for the PA State Legislature. Sorry I said, save your breath I have a zero tolerance policy towards Republicans.
She was out looking for votes and passing out her little cards. No vote here Betsy. You see I am all for Pro Choice. You supposedly are for Pro Life. Which is a laugh. You also had on your little cards you were all about 2nd Amendment Rights. Every nut needs a gun or assault weapon according to the Republicans. I think that no one but the Armed Forces and Law Enforcement need assault weapons. But that is typical of Republicans. No sense of any kind.
No Betsy, I don't buy into your forcing your vision of things on the rest of us. I am like I said for Pro Choice. I don't think that YOU, or anyone else has the right to tell me what to do with my body. I don't give a damn if you are a nurse or not. I also think we need to yank assault weapons off the streets. I am all about helping people, not Corporations. I don't want laws based on religion or Christianity. Plus you have a picture of you with Kellyanne Conway, who I detest. My vision is about helping people and being kind. To put it bluntly your views don't represent me.
I don't want racism and turning away of immigrants, nor putting children in cages in Camps. I don't like Trump, his family, Nazi's, Putin, the KKK, Trump Cabinet Members, Alt Christians, nor the damn Republican Party. As for your "Party of Family Values", oh please. Those values are the Values of the Charles Manson Family. No Betsy, I wouldn't vote for you, nor any other Republican. So go peddle your agenda somewhere else, like Russia.
So world you need to know that there are still people here in the States that are sane, that have morals, that care about people, the environment, and children being locked up. Make no mistake, we are fighting a war here against EVIL. These little Alt Christians and their Ministers want to make this a nation that is based on Religion, their nutty version. As far as I am concerned the Trump regime is Evil and every single one that supports it is Evil too. That includes the Alt Christians, the damn Republicans. and his advisors. Yes folks, we have a battle of good vs evil going on. Funny though, the usual folks that are depicted as the good guys, are in actuality the Evil ones this time.
As for Putin, I haven't forgotten about you either. I have been talking to the Goddess about you too.
So folks, I will get back to working on the books soon, I hope. I have some hexes and curses to sling around. But please don't assume that all Americans are Evil, nasty, hateful, bigoted, racists. Because we aren't. Millions of us are outraged about what is going on. I called my Congressmen today. I told their staff to let them know that all of this was not acceptable. That this was not Hitler Germany.
As for those insufferable Evil Alt Christians, not all Christians are like that. I know, me the Witch, defending main stream Christians. But the truth must always be told.
Light those candles folks, and ask Deity to help defeat this evil going on. If you are a US citizen, take action, call your congressmen, join marches, write letters, and tell off the scum! If you aren't a US citizen, and live elsewhere, light a candle for us. Fight evil in your country. Have your leaders condemn the actions going on.
Remember if we all stick together we can overcome Evil!!
I have been slinging spells like a gunslinger back in the days of the Wild West, making phone calls, going on Twitter rants and generally being a pain to the evil ones hell bent on causing chaos and pain and suffering here in the States.
I have been locked out of Twitter a number of times for being "naughty", I have flat out gave that illegitimate usurper in the White House my true, unvarnished opinion of him, his family, his supporters and the damn Republicans a number of times. Why on Twitter you ask? Well let me put it to you this way, if I thought that FOOL would answer my phone call, I would call the White House.
I have also gave the Republican Party my opinion. In fact 2 days ago I was cooking dinner when my husband said there is some woman on the porch who wants to talk to you.
Out I went, and there was Betsy Rohanna Mcclure, the Republican Candidate for the PA State Legislature. Sorry I said, save your breath I have a zero tolerance policy towards Republicans.
She was out looking for votes and passing out her little cards. No vote here Betsy. You see I am all for Pro Choice. You supposedly are for Pro Life. Which is a laugh. You also had on your little cards you were all about 2nd Amendment Rights. Every nut needs a gun or assault weapon according to the Republicans. I think that no one but the Armed Forces and Law Enforcement need assault weapons. But that is typical of Republicans. No sense of any kind.
No Betsy, I don't buy into your forcing your vision of things on the rest of us. I am like I said for Pro Choice. I don't think that YOU, or anyone else has the right to tell me what to do with my body. I don't give a damn if you are a nurse or not. I also think we need to yank assault weapons off the streets. I am all about helping people, not Corporations. I don't want laws based on religion or Christianity. Plus you have a picture of you with Kellyanne Conway, who I detest. My vision is about helping people and being kind. To put it bluntly your views don't represent me.
I don't want racism and turning away of immigrants, nor putting children in cages in Camps. I don't like Trump, his family, Nazi's, Putin, the KKK, Trump Cabinet Members, Alt Christians, nor the damn Republican Party. As for your "Party of Family Values", oh please. Those values are the Values of the Charles Manson Family. No Betsy, I wouldn't vote for you, nor any other Republican. So go peddle your agenda somewhere else, like Russia.
So world you need to know that there are still people here in the States that are sane, that have morals, that care about people, the environment, and children being locked up. Make no mistake, we are fighting a war here against EVIL. These little Alt Christians and their Ministers want to make this a nation that is based on Religion, their nutty version. As far as I am concerned the Trump regime is Evil and every single one that supports it is Evil too. That includes the Alt Christians, the damn Republicans. and his advisors. Yes folks, we have a battle of good vs evil going on. Funny though, the usual folks that are depicted as the good guys, are in actuality the Evil ones this time.
As for Putin, I haven't forgotten about you either. I have been talking to the Goddess about you too.
So folks, I will get back to working on the books soon, I hope. I have some hexes and curses to sling around. But please don't assume that all Americans are Evil, nasty, hateful, bigoted, racists. Because we aren't. Millions of us are outraged about what is going on. I called my Congressmen today. I told their staff to let them know that all of this was not acceptable. That this was not Hitler Germany.
As for those insufferable Evil Alt Christians, not all Christians are like that. I know, me the Witch, defending main stream Christians. But the truth must always be told.
Light those candles folks, and ask Deity to help defeat this evil going on. If you are a US citizen, take action, call your congressmen, join marches, write letters, and tell off the scum! If you aren't a US citizen, and live elsewhere, light a candle for us. Fight evil in your country. Have your leaders condemn the actions going on.
Remember if we all stick together we can overcome Evil!!
Friday, June 15, 2018
Happily ever after?
June the traditional month for marriages. Many are getting ready or already have celebrated their wedding ceremony this month. For many this is the first time and others have already been married before and are once again embarking upon marriage.
But regardless of rather it is the first time, the second, or whatever attempt, many enter into marriage with expectations that are unrealistic. Many though enter into it though clear eyed without the fairytale expectations.
Yes, you know the story line....they meet, fall in love instantly and live happily ever after. Un huh, yep, fairy tale. Because as a veteran of 2 marriages, and my current one has lasted for 30 years, let me tell you that the "fun" is just beginning! Many religions have pre-marital counseling which in my opinion does nothing. Many times it consists of listening to the religious leader repeating Bible verses that show how a woman is supposed to act and a man is the head of the family. Bullshit! That's right I said Bullshit. That my friends is nothing more then the Patriarchal attempt to maintain their control.
In marriage you take 2 people from 2 different families and blend them together to create a new family unit. I don't care how similar in backgrounds people come from you are going to have issues. Because people are still raised differently. So here is a crash course in what you really need to be taught in pre-marital counseling.
Spats are going to happen, and they generally happen over stupid things and they don't mean you no longer love each other. My one Uncle and his new wife many years ago got into a spat over Chili. Yes, Chili. His mother had sent some home with him and he said without thinking that " now that is what Chili tastes like". His new wife took that as an insult to her cooking and that is when the fight started! She ended up in tears, he got all defensive all over a remark that meant nothing over a bowl of Chili.
You need to have time away from each other. That's right. You need to keep your separate interests and friends. You can't be stuck by each other's side 24/7. To do that gets old after awhile. He can watch football or sports with his friends, and you can go shopping or to the beauty parlor with your friends. Just because 1 of you doesn't like an interest or hobby doesn't mean the other has to give it up.
A relationship is built on trust, truth, and mutual respect. That means you trust the other person. You tell the truth to each other and you respect each other and their opinions and interests. No you don't go through their wallet or purse, or cell phone. That is overstepping boundaries. No you don't put a tracking appointment on their cell phone. That is controlling. You don't force your religious or spiritual beliefs on each other. You allow each other to worship Deity as they see fit. If she does spells, that is her business. In other words when it comes to Spiritual practices you mind your own business. I am a Witch, and my husband has NEVER stuck his nose into my spell casting, ritual celebrations or in anyway impeded my Spiritual beliefs. In fact he has been known to join in on a spell or two. He is atheist and I have not tried to convert him in any way at all. That again falls under boundaries. What he believes is his business, and the same goes for me.
Never ever use violence. No hitting, no slapping, no throwing things at each other. My Mom told me that when she and Dad got married she told him if he ever raised his hand to her, or hit her they were done. Should violence occur, get out. No Deity does not think you have to stay. If they hit you once, no matter how sorry they say they are, IT WILL happen again.
You will argue over money, each other's families, and children. You need to go over how you will handle this kind of stuff, and agree on rules before you get married. Do you want children? How many? And if either one of you have children, you have to realize it is a package deal. And you need to go over who has the right to discipline them. My son is from my first marriage. My husband had 2 boys from his first marriage. We each made it clear to each other it was a package deal. We discussed who would do the discipling and what rights each had with regards to the others children.
What your spouse did before you is NONE of your business. Who he dated, who she slept with, who lived with who is that person's business and none of yours. End of story. What happened before you, is none of your business. Period. As for ex spouses or significant others that you have children with, everyone needs to realize you will have that person in your life for the rest of your marriage. Your spouse will need to discuss the child with them. You will see them at school functions and other family things. Deal with it. My birth mother in her third marriage completely disrupted his family ties with his children. My birth father's second wife did her best to keep his from having a relationship with me. Both of my half sisters did the same with their spouses. THIS is wrong. YOU don't do it, ever!! My husband did not do this to me, nor I to him. I have sat listening to him talk on the phone to his ex, the boy's mother. And it didn't bother me one bit. Now I am not saying you have to be best friends with the ex. But you need to understand that they are always going to be involved in your step children's life. Deal with it.
No the man is not the head of the house and the boss. It is an equal relationship standing. You both make decisions. You both are involved in housework and raising the children. Again you need to make these decisions before marriage. If he likes dealing with the checkbook and you don't, then let him do it. If he likes to cook and you don't by all means let him do it. Marriage is a give and take. Sometimes you get your way, sometimes he gets his.
Work and career. If you want to work, that is your right. If he thinks women should stay at home, you might want to rethink this marriage thing. No one dominates here. Thinking that because you are in love means the marriage will last is not going to fly here. You have to have similar beliefs on these kind of things.
If I love them they will change. If you think just because you love someone who is addicted to drugs, gambling or alcohol, or has outrageous ideas, or slaps people around, that you can change them, or save them, think again. NOT going to happen. The only person you can ever change is YOURSELF.
Yes you will have spats and disagreements. You will have screaming hissy fits. If anyone tells you that they don't. Don't buy that story. You will have them, work through them and still love each other.
Unlike the fairy tales and the novels, I tell you that happily ever after takes hard work and commitment. What do you think makes a successful relationship?
But regardless of rather it is the first time, the second, or whatever attempt, many enter into marriage with expectations that are unrealistic. Many though enter into it though clear eyed without the fairytale expectations.
Yes, you know the story line....they meet, fall in love instantly and live happily ever after. Un huh, yep, fairy tale. Because as a veteran of 2 marriages, and my current one has lasted for 30 years, let me tell you that the "fun" is just beginning! Many religions have pre-marital counseling which in my opinion does nothing. Many times it consists of listening to the religious leader repeating Bible verses that show how a woman is supposed to act and a man is the head of the family. Bullshit! That's right I said Bullshit. That my friends is nothing more then the Patriarchal attempt to maintain their control.
In marriage you take 2 people from 2 different families and blend them together to create a new family unit. I don't care how similar in backgrounds people come from you are going to have issues. Because people are still raised differently. So here is a crash course in what you really need to be taught in pre-marital counseling.
Spats are going to happen, and they generally happen over stupid things and they don't mean you no longer love each other. My one Uncle and his new wife many years ago got into a spat over Chili. Yes, Chili. His mother had sent some home with him and he said without thinking that " now that is what Chili tastes like". His new wife took that as an insult to her cooking and that is when the fight started! She ended up in tears, he got all defensive all over a remark that meant nothing over a bowl of Chili.
You need to have time away from each other. That's right. You need to keep your separate interests and friends. You can't be stuck by each other's side 24/7. To do that gets old after awhile. He can watch football or sports with his friends, and you can go shopping or to the beauty parlor with your friends. Just because 1 of you doesn't like an interest or hobby doesn't mean the other has to give it up.
A relationship is built on trust, truth, and mutual respect. That means you trust the other person. You tell the truth to each other and you respect each other and their opinions and interests. No you don't go through their wallet or purse, or cell phone. That is overstepping boundaries. No you don't put a tracking appointment on their cell phone. That is controlling. You don't force your religious or spiritual beliefs on each other. You allow each other to worship Deity as they see fit. If she does spells, that is her business. In other words when it comes to Spiritual practices you mind your own business. I am a Witch, and my husband has NEVER stuck his nose into my spell casting, ritual celebrations or in anyway impeded my Spiritual beliefs. In fact he has been known to join in on a spell or two. He is atheist and I have not tried to convert him in any way at all. That again falls under boundaries. What he believes is his business, and the same goes for me.
Never ever use violence. No hitting, no slapping, no throwing things at each other. My Mom told me that when she and Dad got married she told him if he ever raised his hand to her, or hit her they were done. Should violence occur, get out. No Deity does not think you have to stay. If they hit you once, no matter how sorry they say they are, IT WILL happen again.
You will argue over money, each other's families, and children. You need to go over how you will handle this kind of stuff, and agree on rules before you get married. Do you want children? How many? And if either one of you have children, you have to realize it is a package deal. And you need to go over who has the right to discipline them. My son is from my first marriage. My husband had 2 boys from his first marriage. We each made it clear to each other it was a package deal. We discussed who would do the discipling and what rights each had with regards to the others children.
What your spouse did before you is NONE of your business. Who he dated, who she slept with, who lived with who is that person's business and none of yours. End of story. What happened before you, is none of your business. Period. As for ex spouses or significant others that you have children with, everyone needs to realize you will have that person in your life for the rest of your marriage. Your spouse will need to discuss the child with them. You will see them at school functions and other family things. Deal with it. My birth mother in her third marriage completely disrupted his family ties with his children. My birth father's second wife did her best to keep his from having a relationship with me. Both of my half sisters did the same with their spouses. THIS is wrong. YOU don't do it, ever!! My husband did not do this to me, nor I to him. I have sat listening to him talk on the phone to his ex, the boy's mother. And it didn't bother me one bit. Now I am not saying you have to be best friends with the ex. But you need to understand that they are always going to be involved in your step children's life. Deal with it.
No the man is not the head of the house and the boss. It is an equal relationship standing. You both make decisions. You both are involved in housework and raising the children. Again you need to make these decisions before marriage. If he likes dealing with the checkbook and you don't, then let him do it. If he likes to cook and you don't by all means let him do it. Marriage is a give and take. Sometimes you get your way, sometimes he gets his.
Work and career. If you want to work, that is your right. If he thinks women should stay at home, you might want to rethink this marriage thing. No one dominates here. Thinking that because you are in love means the marriage will last is not going to fly here. You have to have similar beliefs on these kind of things.
If I love them they will change. If you think just because you love someone who is addicted to drugs, gambling or alcohol, or has outrageous ideas, or slaps people around, that you can change them, or save them, think again. NOT going to happen. The only person you can ever change is YOURSELF.
Yes you will have spats and disagreements. You will have screaming hissy fits. If anyone tells you that they don't. Don't buy that story. You will have them, work through them and still love each other.
Unlike the fairy tales and the novels, I tell you that happily ever after takes hard work and commitment. What do you think makes a successful relationship?
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